Keeping the dream alive … responding to criticism

I was reading an article this morning about how we receive and how we give feedback and criticism and it made me think.

As a writer I am no stranger to having my work picked over. Fortunately those who have, have always been encouraging even if there was plenty to address.

I also give feedback as part of my day job and I like to think I have developed a style that is encouraging and empowering, but at the same time, honest. It has to be.

What I did was look at what I want from a critique, honesty first and foremost, but no point in saying what’s wrong if you can’t offer a fix, an idea, a suggestion. This is where I think various things combine — me being a writer myself, the fact I work in publishing (albeit on a small scale) but I have worked with lots of stories and lots of writers to know what works, being a reader helps, and my MA alongside numerous other courses so I have a strong grasp of what works and what techniques to use to make things work better. And like you, I return to books and I read magazines and I make sure the advice I give is as solid as it can be.

I once had someone critique my work who just said things like — nah, boring, cut, don’t believe you — and no offer of why or how. I found it demoralising. And I vowed I would never do that or make someone feel that way.

Yes I have worked on manuscripts by very new writers that need a lot of work, but handled right, the comments and suggestions and advice make it clear they have a lot to learn, but a good teacher empowers and makes the student want to learn, and doesn’t demoralise or make them feel like giving up forever.

It helps I am, a ‘people’ person, or I like to think I am, so I approach the job with passion and enthusiasm and do go the extra mile for people. I love it when they tell me they can see the improvement and when they start to have success.  And since I have my publishing contacts, the various projects I am involved in, like CafeLit, I do offer ways to kick-start careers where I can and have suggested they submit to various collections.

Not everyone can teach, I like to think I have the balance right between honesty and encouragement. All I can say is it seems to work and we start the official first full week of work this year, I have a full board of jobs and lots are new clients, as well as familiar faces — so I look forward to what we can do together.

2014 is going to be a great year, come along and see!

Have a great week everyone!

Ps the kindle version is still 99p!

 

The Glorious City of Bath

Winning the Bath Short Story Award (BSSA) this year has to be one of the big highlights. It knocked my socks off to actually win something and with a story  that had some very personal meaning. It seemed other people got it, it resonated on some level and isn’t that what being a writer is all about? So this is a great feeling when you make that connection. Thanks BSSA for choosing Learning to Fly –– read it here! LINK

Jude, one of the BSSA ladies, also wears another hat, that for Writing Events Bath, so when she knew I work with developing writers and my novel was out this month, she invited me to run a workshop on writing a psychological thriller at the wonderful Mr B’s Bookshop. And I love psychological thrillers, and while While No One Was Watching isn’t exactly that, it is kind of and I call it that if I have to pigeon-hole it and of course it uses many of those devices that tap into the psyche. I  grew up reading and being influenced by such books! So I loved putting this workshop together — a pig in literary mud!

And so last week Mum and I did something we never do, we left Dad in charge of the pooch and took a little trip to Bath, and the Hilton Hotel. And what a treat we had!

This time last week in fact we were  getting ready to set off to the station, although sadly it seems like ages ago now! Want to do it again! Want to do it at lots of hotels and places! Anyone else want to hire me? He he …

The hotel, although not quite as aesthetic to look at as the other Bath buildings, is lovely and central and a very short walk to Mr B’s although we did take a rather convoluted route because the girl at the hotel wasn’t sure! But we found it and around the corner at 3,30 we also found Halls and Woodhouse, the cafe where we were kindly treated to afternoon tea by the lovely ladies from BSSA. So nice to finally put faces to names, I met Jude, Anna and Jane and from Writing Events Bath also Alex.

We had a lovely chat about all things writing and enjoyed the delights of an afternoon tea. Then we relaxed on the sofas before it was time to go to Mr B’s ready for the workshop.

 

Jane (BSSA), Debz (some writer apparently) and Jude (BSSA and Writing Events, Bath)

I had not run this particular workshop before, with a specific genre, but as I pointed out good writing is good writing and many of the things we talked about relate to any genre — good characterisation, motivation for action, sharp narrative etc. However I did focus it on what a psychological thriller is, where it fits in the context of other thrillers and the premise of many of these novels. I will do a blog post about this as I think many would find this interesting.

We had a couple of writing exercises, one writing an opening scene or blurb to see if we could capture the essence of a good psychological thriller. And after the break we wrote a scene with tension, after a discussion of narrative devices.

We finished with a Q&A and I even signed copies of my novel, in fact we ran out of books.

People were lovely and many said it had been very helpful 🙂 I hope that what I showed was that it can be done, we can get published if we work at the craft.

I have sat through many workshops and so I did what I thought I would want from a good workshop, it needs to be two-way, interactive and they needed to know I do know what I’m talking about (most of the time!).  So it helps that I work with lots of writers and I know the common errors! And that my novel was published of course!

I had a lovely time! And am so pleased some of the writers that took part have have found me on Twitter and said they’re enjoying the novel and loved the workshop! Phew!

The following day we did a spot of sightseeing in Bath, the tour bus, the Jane Austen Centre and of course some shopping! Although I bought very little.

A nice meal in the hotel that evening, and  then we relaxed in the room.

The following morning at breakfast, who should walk in but Ade Edmondson, who had been performing with his band in Bath that night. I didn’t disturb his breakfast but I was tempted to ask him if he wanted a copy of my book! I didn’t of course!

So here are some pics guys! I wish I was still there now!

 

 

 

 

That writer person again, who does she think she is?

 

Off to talk to the lovely writing group at Canvey Library this afternoon and you can hear me on Sarah Banham’s show on local radio Saint FM from 7pm, here’s the link: SAINT FM

Clunkedy clunk

No I am not talking about fastening your seat belt.

I am talking about one of the phrases I use a lot when I edit — clunky — also sometimes: awkward, unnatural, overwritten.

As writers we often want to show off — to demonstrate why we’re writers. We don’t just say it as it is,  we say she felt the adrenaline surge through her body making her hands shake and her body sweat with anticipation of the event she knew was coming. But is this okay? Well apart from the cliché of the surging adrenaline it’s clunky — especially the ‘in anticipation of the event she knew’ 😦  …  and it’s telling.

But I see sentences like this all the time in work I edit.  I think we all do this as we learn but the more experienced we become as writers the more discerning we also become. Often less is indeed more and while you should always look for ways to show emotion like this rather than report it, also look for simple ways to do it. So let’s look at this sentence I plucked from the air by way of example.

What does it mean?

Adrenaline = fear? Excitement?

Sweat= panic? Fear?

Anticipation = expectation, she knows what’s about to happen.

Well the knowledge that something is about to happen is a good teaser for the reader —  and this thing evokes fear or angst —  so we need to think of that as the function of this sentence.

So how can she show her fear?

She pushed her hands into the pockets of her jeans — shows they might be trembling?

She raked her lower lip?

She sucked in a deep breath, held onto it.

Sweat soaked her blouse.

A line of sweat snaked along her top lip?

She closed her eyes.

There was no way to stop it now  (better tease?) 

All some or none of the above?

Also of course it’s hard to avoid clichés because even raking her lip might be seen as that.

Try to visualise the scene is a filmic way and show the reader how she moves, what she thinks, provide subtext so the reader assigns the emotion and the feels the uneasiness rather than simply tell the reader this is how she feels.

As part of your editing make sure you read your work out loud as this is a great way to capture these clunky phrases. Be succinct but that doesn’t mean you can’t be poetic, but think about the language you use, making sure it’s in voice and if you really can’t do it without the clunk — just say it as it is.

 

Have a great day everyone!

What an editor does …

I love getting up close and personal to other people’s writing — but what I love the most is seeing how suggestions and comments are put into practice and when the final version comes back it is so much better. I feel then that my role is justified.

New writers often ask  what to expect from an editor. Do they change your work? What if you don’t agree? Can you keep it your way?

In simple terms, an editor doesn’t just change your work and write a whole other story the way they’d do it! If they do — sack them! They do offer constructive and useful comments. I would change grammar errors where there is a hard and fast rule ,and I would remove run-on or words I feel are redundant but ONLY in track changes so the author can reverse the change if they disagree. And occasionally, if I think it’s the best way to show it, I will change a sentence to demonstrate  a point — see how this sharpens it, for example — a more hands on approach if I think the writer needs that and more often for a critique than a copy-edit. I tend to favour making suggestions — this is overwritten, consider sharpening — and I might suggest what could be better but leave it to them.

By marking your MS and highlighting the weaknesses it really is the best and fastest way to identify weaknesses in style, plot, narrative etc. I had read a great many books on writing but just reading that you need to show not tell and even with examples you can not always see how that applies to your own writing. So you have to let an editor into that personal creative space.

There are various tell-tale signs of the new writer, and we all do this  when we start to write — head hopping mid scene (often because the writer hasn’t even thought about it), telling rather than showing, overwriting using ‘awkward’ or ‘clunky’ phrasing, adding too much back-story and lifting the reader out of the story, overly long descriptive passages that slow the story, too many adverbs especially after dialogue (it’s telling), telling what’s already shown and use of other forms of repetition to drum home a point (tell the reader only once) and using as any different words for said as they can find!

Now these will all be ironed out as you learn and get feedback and new writers who invest in a professional critique will most certainly find this is a short cut to identifying key weaknesses so by the time they start sending work out it’s good.

If it’s good enough to be accepted or publication another editor will be appointed and you need to trust their judgement.

In my opinion there is no room for divas! Luckily for me this is incredibly rare and by this point the writers know the importance of the editorial process and have long since shed their tiara and  learned to take constructive criticism. They will already know that a good editor or critiquer  is worth their weight in gold. Because, and this is very  much my philosophy,  a critique, a copy-edit, even a proof read is a teaching aid and if you get a good editor you will learn. It’s still you writing it — but an editor makes it stronger — and we all need that guidance. At the end of the day it’s about making your writing as good as it can be. And this should be the goal of the writer and the editor and it has to be the goal of the publisher as he needs to sell the book!

So can you argue with the editor? Insist on not changing things? Of course you can — it’s only one opinion but it has to be remembered it’s a professional and experienced opinion (or it should be if you pay for it) and so you need to think carefully about the advice. But if you did something a certain way for good reason and make a good argument an editor will listen to you and wants you to be happy too.

As someone who has straddled both sides of the proverbial fence, even when I wasn’t so sure there was something wrong with something my editor had questioned —  I looked at it very closely and nearly always made some kind of change to remove any trace of ambiguity. I trusted her and she did make great suggestions.

Don’t be a diva!

Have a great weekend all — out shopping for a new tiara!

On Writing Groups …

Good or bad?

How much do you get out of yours?

I hear mixed things about writing groups and I know why. We met last night and we have a smashing group that appears to work — it gets people writing, entering competitions, sharing work and a large number of the group are published, competition winners or at least enjoying writing — and when it started in 2006 no one was — and a good number of these founder members remain.

I think the success of a group depends a lot on who’s running it and what the writers themselves want from it — being allowed to make suggestions and move it in the right direction. Feedback needs to be constructive, well given and all members need to know something about the others so when feedback is offered you know if it’s based on something solid — i.e. can you trust their opinion? Yes all opinion counts but it’s a bit like X factor — seeking the opinion most of Simon Cowell because he knows the business. ‘Oh I liked that’ is not enough.’ Don’t get me wrong, all opinion counts of course it does, but the really pull it apart, how to change it needs a little more! But as you work together you do refine this ability. And I should know! I now do it as a living!

What our writing group did, as it grew, now boasting close to 40 members, although we expect about 15 per meeting, was form satellite  critique groups so that those wanting it, could offer much more one to one, share work in advance type of feedback. My novel group closed at our faithful 4 members  and is amazing. It’s not about genre, we all write different things, so never think it has to be all the same genre — good writing is good writing, but the members need to be a similar standard if possible — that might be the hardest part to get right. I say this because otherwise you spend far too long on one person who gets the fundamentals wrong.  But there is a dichotomy there because you need someone with more experience to guide the group and learn from. But groups find their feet! Our group knows its stuff and that’s important to me. I need to know I really trust the opinion of the writers teasing my work apart. They are all published, one had an agent, 2 of us have MAs and all have attended numerous courses and know what we want. Others have joined and come and gone. But that’s because you must have the staying power and a novel, for its crit group to really work, needs people who come all the time otherwise you lose the continuity you need for critiquing a novel. How can you look at arc for example if you flit in and out. We’ve been going for a few years and several novels and when I move I will miss it.

The  main writing group is forming another novel group now as we had to close ours to new members.  I think you need to have about 4 members for it to work at its best or less as too many and you have issues with time, getting through them and the larger the group the more  likelihood that someone will be missing and if you haven’t looked at someone’s chapter for 2 months it’s hard to follow properly, so my feeling, or at least what worked for us, was small group, regular meetings, all similar ability (forget genre). And I’m sure the new group will find their feet — so long as they know something about novel-writing — this is the danger with anything of mixed ability — making sure the advice is solid. But we did okay and we learned a lot as we went along. And so will they, I’m sure.

We also have a great short story group I dip into once in a while, but I have to say not for a while but I tend to work Sundays when they meet — and a poetry group that does struggle for attendees and now tries to do it online.

We charge an annual sub of £10 which allows you access to the crit groups, pays for speakers etc and then £2 per night for the use of the room — a café that stays open for us. We meet in the evenings (which means we get people who work, day time groups tend to attract more of the retired folk — we get both!) and we meet once a month for the main meeting.

There, like any group, have been differences of opinion but as a rule it’s a great group and open to all suggestions and we often have guests or at least run little exercises or discussions — always trying to be flexible to meet members’ requests. And anyone is encouraged to run one of these ‘open forum’ sessions.

But I know of some groups you have to produce work and pass a test to belong to — er — how do beginners ever learn that way? Surely they need to work alongside the more experienced — at least in the main meetings anyway?

I guess for me what I get the most out of the group, since I don’t really need it to inspire me — because I will write, is the crit group for helping see what I can’t in my novel and the social aspect. The people in my group are my best friends — truly and the group rescued me at a tine when I needed someone. I was writing and needed feedback — sure, but I was also grieving after Lee died and suddenly this group became my life line — friendships that I know will last forever — beyond the writing meetings — so much more. Writing doesn’t need to be isolating is my message — loud and clear!  So if you can get the group dynamics right it will grow like a big pulsating mass spinning off the talent its nurtured! Now it sounds like a tumour — but you know what I mean, it’s something great and buzzy and happening — if you get it right!

If your group doesn’t work and there’s no flexibility then — join another.

We have structure to the meeting because you have to, but we are sometimes accused of a little too much chit chat. but I say this — since writing is something we do alone, then the meeting is more than a place to share ideas and work, it’s also a place to chit chat about writing too. The real work is what the meeting inspired you to go home and do — right? I can’t say that enough!

So what about you? What are your experiences?

Mary Ward, wonderful friend founded it in October 2006. I joined in April 2007 and then took over the chair in October 2007 until October 2010, now still Vice chair, but we have Daniel Dowsing  in the seat (following a year with writer Phil Thomas) and that’s about it. New leaders is essential for innovation or it stays in the same place. I hadn’t intended to be there 3 years but was voted in again but did decide 3 years was enough. Don’t want it to get stale.

I hope, when I move back to Canvey Island to start a writing group to meet like-minded people as they don’t seem to have one!

Thanks to Daniel our rather antiquated blog is now a proper website — take a look: http://www.bangorcellarwritinggroup.co.uk and we’re now a member of the National Association of Writing Groups so people can find us on their website too!

LINK

That’s all for today! Have a truly wonderful day! And remember to dance!

Where to start with edits …

Welcome to another week — hope everyone had a great weekend.

There will be a break in In The Spotlight for a couple of weeks while I gather the next group of writers for you, so might have to come up with something to replace it in the meantime. Hey — if anyone wants to come on and talk about favourite books, authors etc let me know and you are most welcome as I do like a page about books. After all, it’s what we ultimately write for — most of us! Oh and if you have a novel out or a short story collection in your own name please do get in touch and I am happy to welcome you to the spotlight …

Thought I would kick off the week talking about editing. One of the hardest things for writers, especially new writers, is getting to the end of the novel and knowing how to even begin tackling edits. By this I don’t just mean the nuts and bolts tightening of narrative and grammar etc but an up close look at the story itself. This is where getting someone to look at it for you is invaluable but that might not always be possible and perhaps you will save your pennies for a later stage, several edits in?

One of the best pieces of advice came from Richard Adams when he said to me once, across a cup of coffee, “My dear, doesn’t matter how good the writing is, if you don’t have a good story, it won’t sell.”

And I think he is right.

I have talked before about how I’ve rejected pieces from Bridge House that while written beautifully, had no shape, no story. While there are places for this kind of fiction, I truly believe that by definition a story has to ‘tell a story.’ And do it in a way that sets up the question and takes you on a journey of twists and turns to find the answer — and there have to be some surprises along the way so it doesn’t just feel like the same thing revamped.

So one of the stages in editing and I will be starting this process soon with the second draft of I Am Wolf, is to take a close look at how I tell the story (or show it!) and look at this as a starting point.

There are many ways to tell the same story, who is your narrator, how do they narrate (first, second (less likely), third person, what tense? How have you structured it? Does it move around in time? So you alternate narrators …. etc. It’s these big questions you want to start with when you begin the big read-through for the second, and usually the big structural edit. Perhaps you need to really alter the structure to make it work better. Perhaps some characters are little more than filler, and as such could be lost? Or if there is a function in terms of perhaps some key information they provide for plot, can another character take on this function?

I would say this is the phase when there will be lots of ‘killed darlings.’ I don’t mean so much in terms of those lovely prose sections you are loathed to lose (save these for another part, another story even) but the characters, the scenes. anything that doesn’t move plot, reveal character, explore theme.

Functional analysis of plot is really important as a way to see what works and what doesn’t. This is when my spreadsheet comes into its own — when I examine the key function of each chapter, usually one thing like ‘reveal Bob is adopted.’ Then you might have another 1 or 2 lesser but equally important functions like ‘show tenuous relationship with adoptive mother’ and ‘use phone call from brother to show perceived favourtism to non-adopted son.’ And really make it based on just a small number of functions.  In fact one of these might simply be  to foreground or foreshadow something that’s important later (a narrative device that makes the reader experience more compelling.)

Anything that doesn’t add to the story in one of these ways is essentially ‘filler.’ The more you can focus on function, the tighter the plot will become. Then I would say look at how these functions work — do you want to reveal that this early? Do you need to work on character motivation which is another biggie. Often we see in real life what appear to be pretty random events. But nothing is quite as random as it might first appear ( I have talked about this before as well.) In fiction, while you need an element of ambiguity for the reader, you also want to make sure that key actions for plot are credible. This means not explaining why Bob kills his brother (where did that come from?) but showing how his actions are motivated. This  comes down to even the simplest of actions. We need as readers to buy into why and how a character acts and feels and this is about weaving in elements of back story subtly and showing in his actions patterns and aspects that readers understand.  I remember a discussion when I was working on the novel While No One Was Watching with my MA tutor. I used the opening as part of my final dissertation. She questioned the motivation of our reporter when he discovers an old woman wandering in a park claiming the little girl she just found is her little girl who disappeared 50 years ago, the day the president was shot. The tutor said why was a reporter for a small time newspaper that bothered about that?

Now my initial reaction was of  that of course he would be. This is a small time local newspaper where not a lot happens and this in intriguing, surely? But later I examined her question (as we should do with all critiques) and I realised that there did needed to be more — she was right. So what I did was build into the opening the sense that our divorced struggling ‘Sunday father’ was failing at his job too. He had lost interest in it all and was ‘going through the motions.’  This tied in with his story and one of the themes examined in the novel, that of a divorced father who never really came to terms with the divorce.  So now we see the change from the rookie that would have once devoured any story, now in his late thirties having lost his spark. So there is reference to a conversation with his boss and a need to pull his finger out. What this provides is more of a motivation — a need to find a good front-pager, even if it is only a local paper. So now we have more reason for his actions. Could this story, that he thinks might not be anything at first, really be that a little girl has disappeared from the grassy knoll when Kennedy was shot and is still missing? Or is this just what the confused mind of an old lady with dementia thinks? AND if it does check out is this the front-pager that will resurrect his career?This latter point will provide more an enduring motivation for the whole story And actually when you read the ending and his decision what to do with the story he does uncover, his change as a character because of the story, is shown much more dramatically in his actions. So this small point that I thought was an MA tutor being too ‘pedantic’ actually was really important. But until you read the novel of course this might not make a whole lot of sense to you!

So look at function and character motivation I would say as the biggies when you first begin a BIG edit. The grammar, typos, clunky phrasing are all as important, but there is little point in correcting all of these when the chapter, scene, character might not even make the final cut. So begin with story.

I hope this makes sense. I will talk some more about this and other aspects of editing with reference to my novel as I edit. At the moment I am re-reading it (bear in mind While No One Was Watching went through about 8 edits (2 big structural ones) before it was ever sent out) and the publisher says the edits for publication will be more fine edits. I am waiting to hear what they are! But certainly for I Am Wolf  I now need to address the issues I have discussed as this is only a first draft.

Also make sure you look at the shape of the story with reference to the story arc at this stage of editing. Because I Am Wolf was a short story first and one that was polished as it was published in the Gentle Footprints collection, I know the story arc is solid. But of course an adaptation to a novel means its shape has to have changed so I need to make sure it still works.

Think that’s enough of my ramblings for a Monday morning — work calls,

Have a great day …

 

Oh and thought you might like to see this if you haven’t yet … in my local paper this week (tenuous tie in I know!) … and also well done to anyone that also made it onto the Bath Short Story Award longlist as I was delighted to find one of my stories on this weekend 🙂

Sorry about the self-promotion …!!!

If you want to read it and can’t — it’s on my Facebook Fan Page that I want everyone to LIKE if you can!!! LINK

Being consistent …

I thought I would offer a short post about one of the most common errors I see when I copy-edit — be that for my private clients and also for publishers I edit for. I don’t so much mean in terms of the quality of the writing being consistent which I think you will all agree is a given but here I am talking more proof reading and copy-editing points.

There are a number of words with alternative spellings: t shirt, T shirt, t-shirt, T-shirt, Tee Shirt, tee shirt, tee-shirt, OK, okay, ice cream, ice-cream … etc.

Some as you can see with hyphens, some without. We like to capitalise words like job titles, Policeman, the Vicar, we headed North to Birmingham, etc.

The rule is simple: be consistent. If there are different acceptable ways to spell or hyphenate a word, then choose the one you want and make sure you use that one throughout.

Hyphenation is more complex because it can be a stylistic choice and  really the word doesn’t need it — but if you do it — be consistent, the rule is as simple as that.

Capitalisation of words is another one, if you start to give job titles a capital then all job titles now need to be the same way.

For north and south you only really need a capital when the word is part of a name like East London, North Wales, but heading north really doesn’t. But for style you might use an expression like ‘we head North’ and you want north to have more credence as a term for a collection north, but again consistency is essential. With okay there are two forms: OK and okay and not ok! And the rule — be consistent.

I once edited a MS that used capitals for all animals, so ‘he saw the Lion moving away from the Buffalo. This isn’t needed but if you do, you have to … wait for it … be consistent!

And in a proof reads also look at lists. I have read scripts that use bullet points or numbers in lists and the same rule applies — if there is a number and full stop then use that throughout. If the points are sentences that end in a full stop, then all points must end the same way.

And the consistency also means in how you use headings, fonts, spaces between headings and first lines, spaces between asterisks and so on — this is all part of making the MS look as polished as possible. Some of you might think the publisher will do this and yes I do a lot of this when I format the stories but it’s a good habit to get into. And when it comes to spellings — it’s sloppy not to be consistent.

So this is perhaps the most common issue I see when I copy-edit and proof … so thought it might be a useful exercise to show.

Most of the MSs I edit are electronic so all I have to do is do a ‘Find’ to see how the author spelled something  before if I think it was spelled a different way. It’s part of my job to make note of words that I know can be spelled a different way and ‘ Find and Replace’ is a great proofing tool. On paper as I do for one publisher I have to make notes when I see the words I know have different spellings, hyphenations etc and correct or suggest the author chooses the one he/she wants and makes sure they use the ‘Find and Replace’ function.

I can not tell you how often I see this and while it’s more to do with the ‘nuts and bolts’ of writing — it isn’t just about the writing in terms of plot, pace, characterisation etc, you do need to get these fundamentals right!

Have a great writing day everyone!

Layers …

Some people keep a count of the number of edits they do.

Some people keep every version of their editing.

Some people have no idea how many edits they do.

There are no set rules.

I would call myself a ‘polisher’ which means I do a lot of editing as I go so my first draft is already pretty polished. But I notice how I tend to add layers to my writing even in this process of trying to nail the first draft. And then of course I do the big edit where I look at it all.

Process interests me because we all work in different ways.  When I was studying for my MA we were asked to think about process and use this as part of the essay we’d write alongside the story we submitted. I found this an interesting exercise. Like everything we find the way that works for us. The rules, the techniques of effective writing apply no matter what, but how you work and how you execute that is about you finding your own way.

I tend to lay the foundations and play with the structure until I know it holds. I then find I work in  a way that’s like overlaying layer by layer until not only the prose feels tight and feels right but also the subtext works. Nothing is told, it’s all there in the layers.

What about you?

Well I am preparing to go to a friends for the weekend while my house is painted so no Blog Monday when I come home (I hope anyway, it might even be Tuesday before I return) but there will be In The Spotlight some time that day!

So have a great weekend everyone … and on another note, horses die every year in the Grand National, one died at Aintree yesterday because the course is too tough. It sickens me and I am already nervous knowing horses will die. If you agree please sign this petition: BAN the GRAND NATIONAL

When my babies were small … washing anyone?

 

Fiction Clinic … getting up close and personal to a writer’s work …

It’s been a while since we had the clinic so I need to ask people to shout about it more, as I think this exercise is helpful for the writer of the work and those that read it … or that’s certainly the intention.

So this week we have an offering from Susan, a successful short story writer and regularly comments on my Blog. Thanks Susan … and also for allowing your work to be dissected in the public eye. And remember, we all need that other eye to look at our work, and we all make the same kinds of mistakes.

So this is what she submitted:

CHAPTER 1
Magdalene meets Timothy.

From the bushes, Timothy watched the short stocky lady with orange spiky hair. The burns stung his arms through his thin wooly jumper. He’d heard stories of a gypsy witch who lived up on the heath; now he saw for himself. Today was the day he’d run away. Even if he got into trouble, it wouldn’t be as bad as living with the Chorley’s.

The moonlight shone over the smoldering campfire and a barn- owl hooted overhead. Timothy was scared but excited at the same time. She was doing a dance and reciting poetry. The words were muffled, he leaned an inch closer.
“Aarghh, oowwch, help!”
Timothy shouted as he fell headlong into the nettles and brambles.

“What the heck?” Magdalene, startled by Timothy’s ungainly entrance marched across to where he lay buried among the thorny bushes. “You were spying?”
“No, I was just passing, I fell.”
“Just passing through a hedge?”
Timothy lifted his sleeve up to check the scratches. That’s when Magdalene noticed the blotches covering his lower arms.

“What happened to your arm?”
“Nuthink, don’t be nosey, you old witch.” He scrambled to his feet, but they were tangled so badly, he fell back down again.
“You fell through the hedge spying on me. I was doing an important spell. It’s ruined now.”
Timothy kicked at the shrubbery that was entangled around his ankles.
“Magic, do me some magic then, and get rid of two scabby foster parents who treat me like a servant.”

“You could tell me about it?” She gestured for Timothy to come and sit by the fire in her camp.
“Not really. Nobody believes me. They’re the foster parents from hell. They cover it all up, and tell people I’m a boy with special needs, only I’m not.”
Timothy eyed Magdalene with suspicion.
“Come and have some chicken casserole, it’s warmer by the fire. You should clean those cuts. The burns look painful. What happened?”
“I already told you, either him or her, depends what they want me to do. If I don’t do it straight away, or the way they want it doing they stub their cigs on my arms. I‘m not going back there, so don‘t bother trying to talk me into it.”
“No, I won’t.” Magdalene sat on her chair, and lit her white clay pipe. She puffed on the liquorice tobacco in silence.

Magdalene lived in the woods at the top of the heath in the village of Mullsey. She’d used money from the sale of her house to buy a colorful gypsy wagon. It was green, with red and yellow windows.

It hadn’t taken long to find and purchase the wagon. She knew exactly where she wanted to park it. Farmer Harry Denning had taken some convincing, but a few pints in the Flying Horse had sealed the deal. Now he’d got a resident gypsy lady complete with wagon and Brandy Snap the horse as his neighbour.

Lets look at this more closely. The opening does start right in the action with a vivid image of a woman with ‘spikey red hair’ and the sense that Timothy is the watcher. We also learn in the opening paragraph that there’s some kind of mystery, gypsies and that he has run away. So we establish the conflict earlier. and we know what this is going to be about. Good. But this could benefit from some sharpening — especially as this is your hook, and perhaps think of a really intriguing opening line. Have a think on that, one that encompasses the first scene, and the sense of voyeurism. Create  more atmosphere.

At first I wasn’t sure about the line about the burns — but I assume this is deliberately to intrigue? What burns? And there is a sense it might be from the nettles but maybe not … so it is a hook but perhaps later consider having him pull his sleeve down over his arms, or something that signals to the reader this is something more than nettle burns.

Careful with apostrophe ‘Chorley’s’ … Chorleys?

Let’s look at the next paragraph … the scene setting. Good use of fire and moonlight, the owl, you could have added more tension here, where is this place? Can you scene set more as part of the action … but this is the line that lets it down: Timothy was scared but excited at the same time. She was doing a dance and reciting poetry.

Timothy was excited is telling, so try to show him, we have no sense of his age, we assume a child but show how he crouches perhaps, hands bunched, shaking even, breathing hard … create a visual sense of him for the reader that ‘shows’ his fear without telling the reader directly — film it rather than report it. And here we see how it’s easy to confuse with pronouns … you tell us Timothy is scared and then go to she was doing a dance. It might even suggest he is a she. So use this opportunity to show ‘her’ — how is she dancing? ‘Doing a dance’ is very vague and the reader could imagine anything from a river dance to hip hop!  So show it. And rather than say she was reciting poetry, maybe let the reader hear some of what she says?

We have the dialogue next, this can all be on one line …

“Aarghh, oowwch, help!” Timothy shouted as he fell headlong into the nettles and brambles.

Now we have the interaction

“What the heck?” Magdalene, startled by Timothy’s ungainly entrance marched across to where he lay buried among the thorny bushes. “You were spying?”
“No, I was just passing, I fell.”
“Just passing through a hedge?”
Timothy lifted his sleeve up to check the scratches. That’s when Magdalene noticed the blotches covering his lower arms.

Careful with the line Magdalene, startled by Timothy’s ungainly entrance. First of all remember this is in Timothy’s viewpoint as the viewpoint narrator and this sounds like we’ve slipped into her head, same with her seeing his arms — to him she would seem to have noticed the blotches so he reacts? Pulls at his sleeve perhaps? You also you tell the reader she’s startled and since we just saw the action do we need this? Just show her reaction to him, as he sees it. And now we use her name, does he know her name? Remember it’s him narrating? The line that works best for me here is “Just passing through a hedge?” I like the humour of that. And I like the intrigue of the marks on his arm … not just from the nettles.

Take the next section:

“What happened to your arm?”
“Nuthink, don’t be nosey, you old witch.” Good we get his voice here.

He scrambled to his feet, but they were tangled so badly, he fell back down again.  Show this more, how did he fall, how did it feel? As if someone thing clasping onto his ankles?

“You fell through the hedge spying on me. I was doing an important spell. It’s ruined now.”
Timothy kicked at the shrubbery that was entangled around his ankles.  This repeats what we know about his ankles so either lose it to try to show it in a different way.

“Magic, do me some magic then, and get rid of two scabby foster parents who treat me like a servant.” This is intriguing. This is now showing why he ran away.

Moving on …

“You could tell me about it?” She gestured for Timothy to come and sit by the fire in her camp. Show her, how did she? What does the camp look like?
“Not really. Nobody believes me. They’re the foster parents from hell. They cover it all up, and tell people I’m a boy with special needs, only I’m not.”
Timothy eyed Magdalene with suspicion. This is an external expression so it feels like a viewpoint slip, how does he know his look is suspicious? Maybe show more of how he feels?
“Come and have some chicken casserole, it’s warmer by the fire. You should clean those cuts. The burns look painful. What happened?” Good she asked the pertinent question

“I already told you, either him or her, depends what they want me to do. If I don’t do it straight away, or the way they want it doing they stub their cigs on my arms. I‘m not going back there, so don‘t bother trying to talk me into it.” Might he be more reluctant to tell his secret, perhaps we need to see that in his body language?
“No, I won’t.” Magdalene sat on her chair, and lit her white clay pipe. She puffed on the liquorice tobacco in silence. Remember viewpoint — how does he know it’s liquorice?

 Magdalene lived in the woods at the top of the heath in the village of Mullsey. She’d used money from the sale of her house to buy a colorful gypsy wagon. It was green, with red and yellow windows.  have we changed viewpoint?

It hadn’t taken long to find and purchase the wagon. She knew exactly where she wanted to park it. Farmer Harry Denning had taken some convincing, but a few pints in the Flying Horse had sealed the deal. Now he’d got a resident gypsy lady complete with wagon and Brandy Snap the horse as his neighbour.

 This last part lifts the reader right out of the action at the point the boy reveals his secret. This is one of the problems of how you use back story or exposition. This detail would be better drip fed into the action. Do we need to know all of this?

Okay so it looks like I have really teased this apart and some of my suggestions might be me making you think, question, you might not agree with them all. But see how you need to really make the opening sharp, avoid telling, create more of a sense of place, show me her through her actions so I get a better sense of her. And make sure you are clear who is telling the story. We tend to avoid the omniscient narrator and focus action through the mind of a viewpoint character as this engages the most. So is this Timothy telling the story of her. See how we head hop in the scene and you really want to avoid that. And be careful with how you use back story. If Timothy is more reluctant to reveal this secret about his abuse, shown through his body language, it will make it more of a secret. he tells her very quickly. And since you tell us he is scared of her, what motivates this action to confide so willingly?

Now it might seem as if I am being really strict here — no, I see what you want this scene to do and there is a big premise for the story that will follow, but you can do a lot more with it by thinking about some of these questions …

I hope this has helped and I hope it’s raised some points that might be relevant to all of you.

Do be brave and send something for next month. I think keeping it at one is better so if I get a few I will choose one …

What do you mean I need to lose the commas?!!

The clinic reopens on Friday April 26th

How brave are you?

It can be anon if you prefer!

HAPPY EASTER ONE AND ALL!

I WILL RETURN WITH IN THE SPOTLIGHT WITH THE FAMOUS ALAN GIBBONS ON TUESDAY!

Functional Fixes to Broken Stories …

Can you Fix it?

I never really saw myself as some guru in the art of story telling. Until I studied writing as an art form I never thought about story all that much.

Sure I knew about ideas and I always had a great imagination for creating a story, but what I mean is a close look at what makes a story work, how writers craft scenes and how important function is to every scene.

I play close attention to this as I write, making sure characters act ‘in character’ and their actions are not only credible but vital for story. By this I mean not ‘filler’ or ‘repetition’ but vital for moving the plot (tied into revealing character and theme too). We as the writer know our characters intimately and we know far more back story than we ever need. This is why first drafts are often laden with it — too much exposition which is undoubtedly the writer’s way of creating motivation for action and working out in their own minds why a character does what he/she does. When I see this in a manuscript I know two things; this is an early draft and if the writer hasn’t said that and thinks it’s almost ready to submit, they are probably a newish writer. The editing is where you would cut this and only drip feed in the ‘highlights’ the need to know, and only when we need to know parts. Tell a reader too much and you immediately lose the mystery. Try to use back story as a hook, set up the questions, devices like but it can’t happen again; this isn’t like last time; how can she tell him what she did? See what I mean. It’s the revealing too much and in blocks that loses the hook.

I talk about the reader a lot in my critiques but with good reason; this is how you connect. I will say it again THIS IS HOW YOU CONNECT. Sorry didn’t mean to shout! But the reader is your validation. The reader is the one that will give you the final critique in terms of will they buy the next book? Will they recommend this one? So like it or not this is who you have to think about. Reading is about entertainment 🙂

So no filler. This it not only the back story but also the scenes that repeat information. If you need another viewpoint character and you switch heads it has to be justified. If it just repeats what we know or could easily learn from the other character — why is it there?

If you show us something about a cameo character, that Mrs Green has OCD and her garden is guarded by gnomes, then while you might be adding colour, only use splashes and if it has function. You don’t draw your reader’s attention to something if you have no reason to. This is not real life. You never watch EastEnders and they show a lingering look between two characters but nothing comes of it. It always does and something always goes wrong, right?

You might have your character get away with it, say infidelity, in a novel, but have they? In soaps maybe they always get found out because they also cater to their audience expectation, a function of the medium?  But in novels and shorts maybe not, but it still has function. This is where, again, film works differently to the written word, you can invade the character’s psyche and as such if you set up a lingering glance it can’t be without function — be it what has happened (a regret), what might happen (an expectation) … but it has to be functional for plot. Our gnome lady with the perfect garden is also there for a reason. If she is nothing more than colour don’t spend too long on details. The canny writer later uses this trait about her to reveal something functional for plot. Her OCD attention to detail means she sees the mound of new earth and knows someone has buried something in the garden — see what I mean.

When I look at plot, and story, I don’t just look at the narrative and the devices the writer uses, by getting up close and personal to the words, I also look at story. And it always seems to come down to function.

So I might not be a guru of story telling, but I know when a story isn’t quite working and it’s often one of the reasons above.

When you edit a novel, try to assign one major function to a chapter — e.g. reveal protagonist is adopted. And then use the scenes as a way to focus this function. Then have just one or two lesser functions — e.g. show Mrs Green’s OCD (foreshadow fastidiousness) with her garden, show son is being evasive. That kind of thing and make sure these functions are plot-moving, character revealing and on some level tie into theme.

I use a spreadsheet and it allows me, more when I come to edit, to see what’s filler, what’s retelling and what’s essential. Usually this is where you start to fix the problem!

Ask these questions:

• Would the character really do that? Does it need foregrounding?
• Do I need that much back story? What are the highlights and what can I reveal where?
• Do I need this switch in viewpoint? What does it add?
• Have I already told the reader this?
• What function does this scene/chapter have? Does it need to be there?
• Is this description functional? Have you paused the action to admire the view or can you build it into the action?
• Is this dialogue functional? Does it have too much ‘business’ in it?

It’s not just about fixing ‘broken stories’ — more like making them better quality, stronger … and we all need to think about that. Is this as good as it could be?

Right, now off to write. I hope to finish the first draft of I Am Wolf next week! Then I will rest it before I begin the big edit! Or the big fix?

Have a great weekend all!

‘I Am Wolf’ drawn by Colin Wyatt