I realise now that I am still waiting for things to happen in my life that happiness comes from sometimes the simplest of things. I have always been a positive person but the biggest challenge to that, for me, was when I was dealing with grief and rebuilding or should I say building the life I REALLY wanted, AND needed for my happiness. I felt I had wasted too long in places and in jobs that stole my time and with it my happiness. Of course, it is not always as easy as that and we have to plan it… but if we want it, we can make it happen.
So when I was able to use something that on face value had been tragic and use that as a way of saying, well my mortgage is low so why not try to be who I really want to be? And in the end I was able to give up the life that made me unhappy to live my dream. But don’t be fooled, working for myself and with uncertain times ahead financially it wasn’t easy and I went without before I could have some of the things I wanted. It’s amazing how simple we can make our lives and still be happy 🙂 So you have one black coffee instead of three fancy lattes in Costas… but you still get the same experience, right? Place, friends, atmosphere.
I really had become the person, the writer, the editor, the publisher, I wanted to be so… when I knew it was time to come back to Essex I was finally in the right place emotionally. I had thought about it for a long time. I am now feeling challenged because, like it or not, we are not the same people once life has changed us. I am not the nineteen-year-old who left home for uni all those years ago. I really like the way I have changed, become more open-minded for example, but sometimes those we left behind, who did a good job as raising us to be good people, can’t quite see that you the real you now is not the same. It might even be better! It must be hard to be a parent and not ‘parent’. Not feel you have to guide (misguide?), comment and judge and I appreciate that. And with our own life experiences we also see that they are not who you thought they were too. But I have to say I am now truly truly ready for the next stage of my adventure. It is just a shame that my lovely little house is not selling and that without that I… ‘we’… cannot move into our own place where I know I will flourish again. We both will. It’s amazing, for both of us actually, how people’s negativity around us can actually suck the energy out of you… I am writing but at the moment I am having to work more, but soon as we get sorted then the writing will come first again.
It’s not always easy going back… and that is why I am sharing this as it’s been a challenging time for me, in many ways. Not everyone enjoys your optimism but I swear no one will break my spirit… they might try. I just wish it was easier but I am stronger than that!
So, here endeth my lesson on coming home! Now to work out before I hobble into the bathroom… how I miss a shower but with the kind of cast I have I would fall even if I could cover it over!
Happy Mid week… ❤