Actually no madness yet, just the quiet unfolding of my thoughts onto a page, before the week truly begins.
I had some restful sunshiney time this weekend, although did a lot too, and after working till 9.30 last night to make up for the time spent chilling in the garden with the man (but then again it was too hot for working in my conservatory) I feel a little tired this morning. Never the less I am ready to go. We have Canvey Writers this evening and the results of our first in-house competition so that should be fun.
I feel as if there are things happening work wise for both myself and the man and we’re making quiet happy plans in our heads. You know I have always been one for looking forward. My writing gives me that buzz and the hope for my writing career, but I realise now as well that it’s great to be part of someone else’s dream too; so we can dream together, does that make sense? I had that feeling a long time ago and so it’s truly amazing to me that I have it now too.
Life is what you make it. You have to focus on the positive. Our lovely neighbour who lost her husband over a year ago is still not doing well and I get it — I really get it. I know how all-consuming grief is. Trust me, I know. As I am sure many of you do as well, sadly. But… as my lovely man said to her: no matter how hard it is, you have to find a way to think happy thoughts about something — if only for five minutes of the day. Look in the garden and say how lovely it looks, how sweet that bird is… because you have to change the mindset to ever be able to move forward — however slow that might be. Wise words. I hope she takes it on board because he is right. Even in that black hole of grief I saw the beauty in a rainbow even if that was only ephemeral. Before you know it those small transient moments become larger. And soon those good thoughts engulf you instead of that black hole. It gets pushed to a place deep inside. It’s still there; it will always be there when you loved someone, but it’s not around you, drowning you anymore. You can lift your head into the sunshine and listen to your breaths and know that actually it is good to be alive now.
It all starts with a single positive thought. The mind can do amazing things. But you have to let it.
Anyway, on that note, I will say hi ho off to work I go with a song in my heart and a dream…
Find your rainbow today…