After Lee died, nine years ago, that little house we had just built and emptied our dreams into, could have been the thing I ran from. I could have said no and come home then, and no one would have blamed me either.
But I didn’t and I’m glad I didn’t. If I am one thing, it’s a fighter, NEVER a quitter.
I have never let anything defeat me.
Anyway it would have been the wrong time to make a life-changing decision in the middle of my life changing. So I stayed and stuck it out because no matter where I was, I had to go through it and in my own way. If you are suffering, don’t be swayed by do gooders who tell you you should feel this or that at this time. In your own time. That’s all I can say to that.
Now I think of that little house (still seeking a tenant to nurture it by the way) as my dream factory, where yes I have a lot of sad memories, but far more happier ones, my furry babies and I — and lots of success. Rejection lived their too for a long time, but I as I always say you have to turn that into positive energy and fuel the learning process.
I am told after you’ve had a baby and all the pain that goes with it, the joy that follows allows you to forget; it’s biological, an evolutionary adaptation to ensure we continue to breed. I wonder if the pain of rejection is the same once you hold that first publication in your hands? You can’t truly forget the pain (as I am sure you don’t after giving birth to a baby ) and you will endure it again (many times even) but when the effort reaps such rewards then it makes it all worth it, right?
Okay so here endeth the odd analogy, of course it’s not quite the same but I think you have to learn to use rejection in a positive way, as being a step closer to the dream.
One thing I can tell you about my little house (still seeking a tenant to nurture it by the way — did I tell you that?) is that I decided while the saddest event of my life had taken place there and a pain that I can not learn from in a traditional sense, nothing will ever justify the loss of someone you love, I did make it a place of positive energy only. And like the process of rejection that starts in small and quieter steps and builds as you gain momentum, so you must let the positive energy trickle in to drive away the negative, like healing and quickly it becomes a flood and your life is filled with light and good energy. Good energy breeds good energy and before you know it you’re happy. And not just happy, bursting with all the positivity. Now you can use rejection to fuel growth and you have made a happy space to write.
And that’s how I feel now and I can take it with me wherever I go and I have. At the right time.
So, if anyone wants to spend some time at my positive house in North Wales — did I tell you it needs loving tenants? Oh I did.
That is all; I am in my happy space and I want to write.